The 237 reasons to have sex

From piety to pity, love to lust, researchers find wide range of motivations

By Judy Peres Tribune staff reporter August 1, 2007 found at chicagotribune.com

"You need to know why people are having sex if you're trying to put into place a safe-sex program," Meston said. "If you assume people have sex because they're in the heat of the moment, then [you tell them to] carry condoms. But if they're doing it for revenge or because they want to enhance their social status, that will require a different strategy."

Meston and co-author David Buss conducted their research in two stages. First, they asked a group of more than 400 students and volunteers to simply list "all the reasons you can think of why you, or someone you have known, has engaged in sexual intercourse in the past." That produced 715 reasons. After deleting identical or very similar entries, the researchers were left with 237.

Some were "pretty shocking," Meston said, such as "I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease." She said she also was surprised that some people said they had sex because "I wanted to get closer to God."

"Most of the literature shows that religious people have more sexual problems," she said. "But several people endorsed the idea that religion and sexuality were actually closely linked."

In the second stage of the research, they asked 1,500 other students to rate how important each of the 237 reasons was in their own sexual behavior.

The students were asked to indicate how frequently each reason had led them to engage in sexual intercourse in the past, on a scale from 1 for never to 5 for all the time. Those who had not had intercourse (27 percent of the women and 32 percent of the men) were asked to indicate the likelihood that each of the reasons would lead them to have sex in the future.

Men, women share reasons

Most of the students gave the usual reasons for having sex: "I was attracted to the person," "It feels good" and, "I wanted to show my affection" were high on the lists of both men and women. Lesser priorities on both lists were reasons such as, "Someone offered me money to do it," "I felt sorry for the person," "I wanted to punish myself" and, "Because of a bet."

Meston said she was somewhat surprised by the similarities between the genders. Men were more likely to endorse having sex for physical reasons (such as, "The person was too hot to resist") and to boost their social status ("I wanted to brag to my friends about my conquests.") But there was no difference in the emotional reasons, such as, "I wanted to express my love for the person."

"The stereotype that men have sex for physical reasons and women have sex for love -- our data didn't really support that," Meston said. "These young men and women were having sex for physical pleasure and also for emotional attachment, feeling connected to another person."

Meston and Buss said their findings contradict the stereotype that women, more than men, use sex to obtain special favors. In their study, men were more likely to endorse reasons for having sex that involved utilitarian goals ("To get a favor from someone").

Leonore Tiefer, a sex therapist and psychologist at New York University School of Medicine, said the findings did not really answer the question, "Why Humans Have Sex," as the title of the paper asserts.

"It's why Texas students say they have sex," Tiefer said.

Nevertheless, she said, it's "useful to discuss motives, as opposed to just counting."

Meston acknowledged the limitation of her research and said she planned to look at other populations.

"This is just the start," she said. "The next step is to see how these motivators change across time, how they differ between genders across the age range, how they differ by ethnicity."

Another limitation of the study, Meston acknowledged, was that people might have been reluctant to cite socially unacceptable motivations, such as the desire to make money or punish a partner. Conversely, they might have exaggerated their response rates to socially desirable reasons, such as expressing love.

Survey may aid therapists

But she said the survey, dubbed "YSEX?," already could be used to start developing new treatments for people with sexual problems. "Just giving the list to people to check off would give a therapist more to work with," she said.

In addition, Meston noted, people in therapy often are hesitant to talk about sexual experiences they're not proud of. "Learning you're not the only one who has had sex for a stupid reason might bring a bit of relief," she said.

Another benefit could be for people with very low sex drive. A recent landmark survey found that nearly one-third of women aren't interested in sex.

"A lot of people have low desire," Meston explained. "It's not a problem if their partner also has low desire. But if their partner wants to have sex much more often than they do, it could become a problem in the marriage. Some women really resent having sex, because they're not getting physical pleasure.

"If they learn that they're not so unusual -- that not everyone is having sex because it feels good -- they might find another reason that makes them feel less resentful, like 'Oh, yeah, having sex does make me sleep better.'"

- - -

The reasons people give are clustered in four groups:

Physical - My hormones were out of control - I was attracted to the person - It seemed like good exercise Goal-directed - I wanted to get a raise - Because of a bet - I wanted to change the topic of conversation

Emotional - I realized I was in love - I wanted to say 'thank you' Insecurity - I didn't know how to say 'no' - I felt obligated ----------

jperes@tribune.com Copyright © 2007, Chicago Tribune

List of 237 reasons that motivate people to have sex

1. I was "in the heat of the moment."
2. It just happened.
3. I was bored.
4. It just seemed like "the thing to do."
5. Someone dared me.
6. I desired emotional closeness (i.e., intimacy).
7. I wanted to feel closer to God.
8. I wanted to gain acceptance from friends.
9. It's exciting, adventurous.
10. I wanted to make up after a fight.
11. I wanted to get rid of aggression.
12. I was under the influence of drugs.
13. I wanted to try to get a better mate than my current mate.
14. I wanted to express my love for the person.
15. I wanted to experience the physical pleasure.
16. I wanted to show my affection to the person.
17. I felt like I owed it to the person.
18. I was attracted to the person.
19. I was sexually aroused and wanted the release.
20. My friends were having sex and I wanted to fit in.
21. It feels good.
22. My partner kept insisting.
23. The person was famous and I wanted to be able to say I had sex with him/her.
24. I was physically forced to.
25. I was verbally coerced into it.
26. I wanted the person to love me.
27. I wanted to have a child.
28. I wanted to make someone else jealous.
29. I wanted to have more sex than my friends.
30. I was married and you're supposed to.
31. I was tired of being a virgin.
32. I was "horny."
33. I wanted to feel loved.
34. I was feeling lonely.
35. Everyone else was having sex.
36. I wanted the attention.
37. It was easier to "go all the way" than to stop.
38. I wanted to ensure the relationship was "committed."
39. I was competing with someone else to "get the person."
40. I wanted to "gain control" of the person.
41. I was curious about what the person was like in bed.
42. I was curious about sex.
43. I wanted to feel attractive.
44. I wanted to please my partner.
45. I wanted to display submission.
46. I wanted to release anxiety/stress
47. I didn't know how to say "no."
48. I felt like it was my duty.
49. I wanted to end the relationship.
50. My friends pressured me into it.
51. I wanted the adventure/excitement.
52. I wanted the experience.
53. I felt obligated to.
54. It's fun.
55. I wanted to get even with someone (i.e., revenge).
56. I wanted to be popular.
57. It would get me gifts.
58. I wanted to act out a fantasy.
59. I hadn't had sex for a while.
60. The person was "available."
61. I didn't want to "lose" the person.
62. I thought it would help "trap" a new partner.
63. I wanted to capture someone else's mate.
64. I felt sorry for the person.
65. I wanted to feel powerful.
66. I wanted to "possess" the person.
67. I wanted to release tension.
68. I wanted to feel good about myself.
69. I was slumming.
70. I felt rebellious.
71. I wanted to intensify my relationship.
72. It seemed like the natural next step in my relationship.
73. I wanted to be nice.
74. I wanted to feel connected to the person.
75. I wanted to feel young.
76. I wanted to manipulate him/her into doing something for me.
77. I wanted him/her to stop bugging me about sex.
78. I wanted to hurt/humiliate the person.
79. I wanted the person to feel good about himself/herself.
80. I didn't want to disappoint the person.
81. I was trying to "get over" an earlier person/relationship.
82. I wanted to reaffirm my sexual orientation.
83. I wanted to try out new sexual techniques or positions.
84. I felt guilty.
85. My hormones were out of control.
86. It was the only way my partner would spend time with me.
87. It became a habit.
88. I wanted to keep my partner happy.
89. I had no self-control.
90. I wanted to communicate at a "deeper" level.
91. I was afraid my partner would have an affair if I didn't have sex with him/her.
92. I was curious about my sexual abilities.
93. I wanted a "spiritual" experience.
94. It was just part of the relationship "routine."
95. I wanted to lose my inhibitions.
96. I got "carried away."
97. I needed another "notch on my belt."
98. The person demanded that I have sex with him/her.
99. The opportunity presented itself.
100. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex while stoned (e.g., on marijuana or some other drug).
101. It's considered "taboo" by society.
102. I wanted to increase the number of sex partners I had experienced.
103. The person was too "hot" (sexy) to resist.
104. I thought it would relax me.
105. I thought it would make me feel healthy.
106. I wanted to experiment with new experiences.
107. I wanted to see what it would be like to have sex with another person.
108. I thought it would help me to fall asleep.
109. I could brag to other people about my sexual experience.
110. It would allow me to "get sex out of my system" so that I could focus on other things.
111. I wanted to decrease my partner's desire to have sex with someone else.
112. It would damage my reputation if I said "no."
113. The other person was too physically attractive to resist.
114. I wanted to celebrate something.
115. I was seduced.
116. I wanted to make the person feel better about herself/himself.
117. I wanted to increase the emotional bond by having sex.
118. I wanted to see whether sex with a different partner would feel different or better.
119. I was mad at my partner, so I had sex with someone else.
120. I wanted to fulfill a previous promise to my partner.
121. It was expected of me.
122. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
123. I wanted the pure pleasure.
124. I wanted to dominate the other person.
125. I wanted to make a conquest.
126. I'm addicted to sex.
127. It was a favor to someone.
128. I wanted to be used or degraded.
129. Someone offered me money to do it.
130. I was drunk.
131. It seemed like good exercise.
132. I was pressured into doing it.
133. The person offered to give me drugs for doing it.
134. I was frustrated and needed relief.
135. It was a romantic setting.
136. I felt insecure.
137. My regular partner is boring, so I had sex with someone else.
138. I was on the "rebound" from another relationship.
139. I wanted to boost my self-esteem
140. I wanted to get my partner to stay with me.
141. Because of a bet.
142. It was a special occasion.
143. It was the next step in the relationship.
144. I wanted to get a special favor from someone.
145. I wanted to get back at my partner for having cheated on me.
146. I wanted to enhance my reputation.
147. I wanted to keep warm.
148. I wanted to punish myself.
149. I wanted to break up a rival's relationship by having sex with his/her partner.
150. I wanted to stop my partners' nagging.
151. I wanted to achieve an orgasm.
152. I wanted to brag to friends about my conquests.
153. I wanted to improve my sexual skills.
154. I wanted to get a job.
155. I wanted to get a raise.
156. I wanted to get a promotion.
157. I wanted to satisfy a compulsion.
158. I wanted to make money.
159. I wanted to keep my partner satisfied.
160. I wanted to change the topic of conversation.
161. I wanted to get out of doing something.
162. I wanted to test my compatibility with a new partner.
163. I wanted to get a partner to express love.
164. I wanted to put passion back into my relationship.
165. I wanted to prevent a breakup.
166. I wanted to become one with another person.
167. I wanted to get a favor from someone.
168. I wanted to breakup my relationship.
169. I wanted to give someone else a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).
170. I wanted to breakup another's relationship.
171. I wanted to avoid hurting someone's feelings.
172. I wanted to make myself feel better about myself.
173. I wanted to get rid of a headache.
174. I was afraid to say "no" due to the possibility of physical harm.
175. I wanted to keep my partner from straying.
176. I wanted to burn calories.
177. I wanted to even the score with a cheating partner.
178. I wanted to hurt an enemy.
179. I wanted to feel older.
180. It is my genetic imperative.
181. It was an initiation rite to a club or organization.
182. I wanted to become more focused on work - sexual thoughts are distracting.
183. I wanted to say "I've missed you."
184. I wanted to celebrate a birthday or anniversary or special occasion.
185. I wanted to say "I'm sorry."
186. I wanted to return a favor.
187. I wanted to say "Thank You."
188. I wanted to welcome someone home.
189. I wanted to say "goodbye."
190. I wanted to defy my parents.
191. I wanted to relieve menstrual cramps.
192. I wanted to relieve "blue balls."
193. I wanted to get the most out of life.
194. I wanted to feel feminine.
195. I wanted to feel masculine.
196. I am a sex addict.
197. I wanted to see what all the fuss is about.
198. I thought it would boost my social status.
199. The person had a lot of money.
200. The person's physical appearance turned me on.
201. The person was a good dancer.
202. Someone had told me that this person was good in bed.
203. The person had beautiful eyes.
204. The person made me feel sexy.
205. An erotic movie had turned me on.
206. The person had taken me out to an expensive dinner.
207. The person was a good kisser.
208. The person had bought me jewelry.
209. The person had a great sense of humor.
210. The person seemed self-confident.
211. The person really desired me.
212. The person was really desired by others.
213. I wanted to gain access to that person's friend.
214. I felt jealous.
215. The person flattered me.
216. I wanted to see if I could get the other person into bed.
217. The person had a desirable body.
218. I had not had sex in a long time.
219. The person smelled nice.
220. The person had an attractive face.
221. I saw the person naked and could not resist.
222. I was turned on by the sexual conversation.
223. The person was intelligent.
224. The person caressed me.
225. The person wore revealing clothes.
226. The person had too much to drink and I was able to take advantage of him/her.
227. I knew the person was usually "out of my league."
228. The person was mysterious.
229. I realized I was in love.
230. I wanted to forget about my problems.
231. I wanted to reproduce.
232. I/she was ovulating.
233. I wanted my partner to notice me.
234. I wanted to help my partner forget about his/her problems.
235. I wanted to lift my partner's spirits.
236. I wanted to submit to my partner.
237. I wanted to make my partner feel powerful.


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